6 Tips for Reaching Unattainable Goals: Leadership Lessons from Surfing the Perfect Wave
“I want to be barreled,” I wrote as my goal for the two days I was spending at the Surf Ranch, home of a man-made perfect wave in central California created by Kelly Slater, 11-time World Surf League champion, and his team.
Being inside the tube, getting barreled is the peak experience in surfing where you are completely encapsulated inside a breaking wave, also called being “in the green room.” Kelly Slater has described it as “a sacred place in nature… a peaceful place where the surfer is fully immersed in the present moment and everything else falls away.”
This wasn’t exactly nature, 100 miles away from the ocean in the central Californian farmland of Lemoore, California. And I wasn’t exactly a good enough surfer to get barreled. This was not a realistic goal and probably unattainable in the unpredictability of the open ocean. But at this man-made perfect wave, there would be the opportunity for many rounds of practice. And, as I coach my tech executive clients— often women, people of color, and immigrants— we want to dream big and drive hard towards the goal, while also holding it lightly, making room for pivots as you learn along the way.
Forget the goal of being barreled, I was also simply thrilled to get a chance to surf this wave as part of a cybersecurity company’s sales event celebrating their customers and prospects. Surfing, and life around us, is a rich source of leadership lessons and these are six tips to help reach unattainable goals.
1. New Experiences are Uncomfortable
We arrived at the Surf Ranch in the late afternoon, and our first experience of the wave was at night. Even with the bright spotlights, it felt terrifying to paddle out through the blackness of the water. Disconcertingly, unlike ocean surfing where you paddle away from the breaking wave to catch it, at this man-made wave, you had to paddle towards the wave to catch it. I tried to remind myself that I’d surfed this manmade wave once before, but it didn’t help. If anything, it made me feel worst. I felt like a complete n00b. The first time you do something is going to be hugely uncomfortable. Many high achievers also have a self-critical perfectionist voice that tells us that we’re supposed to be instantly good at something, even though we’ve never done it before.
I breathed into my discomfort. When my critical voice said, You’ve surfed this before, you really should know how to do this, I told her: That’s not helpful and reminded myself that I’d never surfed at night here. I continued breathing and reminded myself: This is a new experieince. It’s supposed to be uncomfortable.
2. Learn from Guides and Ask for Help
Many people I coach have trouble asking for help. Asking for help can feel like you’re showing a weakness or that you’re inconveniencing others with your problems. Luckily, with my “good student” identity and Hermione Granger-like upbringing, I’ve never had trouble learning from teachers. We were surrounded by the Surf Ranch’s expert surf team with a coach in the water beside us, the jet ski driver directing our path down the line, and additional support coaches to help review the drone and camera footage of our form.
“I need help,” I gasped at every new coach I met. I don’t tend to have a lot of ego and will eagerly follow whatever tips or expertise offered to me (often to a fault, with some teacher-pleasing tendencies). I asked the coach in the water to give me an extra push into the wave. I listened intently to the jet ski driver’s hollered directions. Every time we got out of the water, I headed straight to the video room to review the footage and map my experience of the wave to the reality of what the cameras captured.
Take every advantage you can. Learn from guides and ask for help.
3. Keep Iterating
Unlike the unpredictability of ocean waves, this man-made wave did exactly the same thing every single time. And I could watch the mistakes I made with each wave: not paddling one or two more strokes to get into the pocket, popping up (standing up) too soon and not getting in front of the wave, or not turning my board into the wave at a steep enough angle. The surf coaches were both kind and direct with their suggestions for what to try next. The camera never lies, mirroring back the reality of what I was doing.
And each time I went back out there, I iterated. I reminded myself to paddle two more strokes. I repeated, “belly, belly, belly” in my head to remind myself to stay lying down rather than popping up immediately. I aimed my gaze far off towards the fence, creating a more angled approach into the wave.
The wave didn’t change each time, so I had the luxury of experimenting against something constant. Keep iterating, keep learning, keep improving.
4. Look for Opportunities to Poach
In surfing etiquette, there is always a rider who has priority. Out in ocean, it’s the person closest to where the wave breaks. At the surf ranch, we all took turns being the priority surfer and each person would get 2-3 priority waves per session. However, as we pushed ourselves and iterated, the priority rider would sometimes fall or miss the wave. Then, everyone else had the opportunity to “poach,” or to take our turn catching the wave as it made its glorious 45 second run down the length of the wave pool.
In surfing as in life, you must take the opportunities that present themselves. I got ready to poach the wave every single time a new priority rider was up, it’s what the coach told me to do. Many of the other surfers in the water wouldn’t do that — let’s just say there were several surfers who were of such high talent, that it seemed impossible that they would fall or make a mistake — but I was hungry for waves, and I listened to my guides. It didn’t happen that often, and there were times when I couldn’t paddle fast enough to make the wave, but I did catch three gloriously poached waves. You’ve always got to try for the opportunity.
5. Celebrate the Shared Experience
I was in a funk as they called “last wave” on our first session that night. After a decent start on my first two waves, I’d flubbed my next two. I was frustrated with my performance and quite grumpy. One of the coaches looked at my face, laughed, and told me to “Loosen up and have fun. You’ll surf better.”
As we headed back to the end of the pool, under a starry night sky and hearing live music from the band Switchfoot, I felt a huge amount of gratitude for being here at the Surf Ranch. The feeling only magnified as we gathered together sharing stories of each other’s waves, cheering on the brand-new surfers who got up for the first time, and celebrating the experienced pros who made it into and out of their barrels unscathed.
My goal of getting barreled didn’t seem to matter. I was having a blast being here within a community gathered for this singular shared experience. We celebrated and cheered each other on.
6. Let Go of the Outcome
It was our final late afternoon session on the second day, and I was exhausted. I’d slept poorly in the gorgeous Airstream trailers on property, kept awake by the creaks of metal every time the wind blew, and by the noises of geese and other birds surrounding us. We’d spent several hours surfing, baking in the hot sun, and listening to an overview of the company’s technology advantage. My left side was bruised from an encounter with my surf fin and I was thinking ahead to the four-hour drive back to San Francisco and wondering how I’d make it.
As I walked back towards the deck, the head of sales looked at me and said, ‘You ready for that barrel?” I laughed and told him I was too tired and could barely paddle. The surf coach overheard the conversation and quipped, “Not with that attitude, you won’t.” I laughed, encouraged by their positive energy. As I sat in the water waiting for the wave, I could feel a sense of ease of flow. It didn’t really matter if I made the barrel or not, and I really didn’t expect to. I was filled with gratitude for simply having the shared experience and the chance to surf this perfect wave again. The nerves were gone. The tiredness was gone. Instead, I was calm with a sense of quiet confidence. I’d simply try my best.
And yes… I did get barreled on my very last wave of the day. Perhaps it was only possible once I’d let go of the goal. The experience was messy. I barely made it into the wave. It was not elegant. I nearly lost my balance several times. I’m reminded that my self-critics will likely always stay with me. \
If you’re curious, you can watch the video of my wonderfully imperfect waves at the surf ranch.